Dirty Filthy Nasty . . .

Who is ready for the first Muni story of 2010?

I am!

And it's a good one!

This story takes place on the 30 line. The 30 is more commonly known as the "Dirty 30." Urban legend says that it got its name "Dirty 30" when a passenger brought a live chicken onto the bus while passing through China Town. The driver allegedly told the passenger that a live chicken could not be on the bus and supposedly the passenger proceeded to kill the chicken right then and there.

The 30 is also the bus line that most recently became a YouTube sensation when a fight between an older Asian woman and an African American girl was filmed and posted. The Asian lady won the fight!

I ride the 30 a lot. It is one of the bus lines I have to take in order to get home.

One of the other frequent riders is a transient I have given the name "Gus."

"Gus" is a drunk! Not a little drunk. Majorly drunk!

For the most part he seems harmless, he just likes to talk really loud. Sometimes he is actually funny. Especially when passing through China Town. He likes to yell at the little old Asian women and they freak out.

Last Wednesday night I boarded the 30 for my ride home.

Several stops later I suddenly felt like my personal space was being invaded. There was "Gus" standing above me with a lit cigarette.

Yes, that's right, I said a LIT cigarette!

He was leaning over me so that he could throw the cigarette out the window. As the cigarette ashes fell onto my lap I could see that "Gus" was concealing an open 40 ounce beer can under his coat.

Great! PLEASE don't sit next to me!

I have found that it is best not to make eye contact. If you do, "Gus" then becomes your traveling buddy for the rest of the route.

Fortunately for me, and unfortunately for the young mother and small child in the back row; "Gus" took a liking to them and kept trying to talk to "Baby Girl."

Well, Baby Mama was not having anything of it and was trying to shield her daughter from "Gus."

It was then that I heard "Gus" say to his friend for the first time, "Man, I have to pee."

Now, because I have ridden the bus with "Gus" before, I knew that he was going to be on the bus the entire time I was. So that meant that I had better start monitoring this situation.

Then "Gus" turned to the passenger sitting behind him and saw that he was holding an empty drink cup.

"Can I have that cup?" "Gus" asked the guy.

"Sure, I don't need it," the guy said.

Uh oh, this could get really bad was my first thought.

"Gus" was getting more and more fidgety and again said to his friend, "I have to pee."

That was when he started to unzip his pants!

I immediately got up and headed for the stairwell. I wanted none of this.

Other passengers all started moving forward to get away from what was happening.

One gentleman was able to get up to the driver and alert him of the situation at the back of the bus.

At this point "Gus" had already relieved himself. Not wanting to get in trouble he said in his normal loud voice, "What is that guy saying up there? I didn't do anything. I would never do that in front of a child."

The bus reached the next stop and I bolted out the door. I did not care that I was no where near home. I would rather walk. Almost everyone from the back half of the bus exited with me. The last thing I could see was the driver walking back to confront "Gus."

All I could think about was the fact that I know I am bound to be on a bus with "Gus" again.

So tonight I had to get gas for my car. As I was waiting for the tank to fill up I could hear someone over my shoulder yelling incoherently. I turned around and saw that it was "Gus!"

And what was "Gus" doing? Oh, he was relieving himself in public again!

What are the odds that twice in one week I would be exposed to this gentleman urinating in public!

Gross!

The Song Of The Day - Dirrty by Christina Aguilera

I Think You're Crazy . . .

Bill O'Reilly recently did a piece on his show smearing the city of San Francisco.  Now if I was from middle America watching this "news" segment I would think San Francisco was a frightening out of control place with rampant drug use, lack of safety, and an out of control homeless problem.  

Here's the thing, there is a bit of truth in the sensationalized version of San Francisco that Bill O'Reilly portrayed.  And as I road the bus last night I reflected on the O'Reilly segment.

One of the things mentioned in the segment is that the homeless are everywhere in San Francisco.  They are not limited to one area of the city.  And as mentioned in the piece, San Franciscans have learned to co-exist in harmony with the homeless.  "Harmony" might be defined by some as adjusting which side of the street you walk on to avoid the homeless, but it is still "harmony."

So last night I was riding the Muni bus home from a holiday party at around 1:30 am.  Every time I ride the bus late at night it is a new and unique experience.  I have listened in on a older homeless man's conversation about how in his youth he would hold up the bus drivers  and hijack the bus or rob all the passengers.  "Boy I could run back then," he said.  He seemed harmless now.

I have seen the after affects of someone getting sick on the bus late at night.

Once I sat in amazement as two homeless gentleman boarded the bus with their large backpacks and proceeded to sit in the row behind me.  The older one of the two pulled out a needle and proceeded shoot drugs into his arm while the bus barrelled down Van Ness Ave.

And yet here once again was an example of "harmony;"  "I won't bother you if you don't bother me."  

So on the bus last night we seemed to be stuck at the bus stop for what seemed to be about ten minutes.  The delay was caused by a homeless man who was struggling to get his life possessions onto the bus.  The driver had to use the wheelchair lift to help the homeless man get his granny cart and milk crates up.  The homeless man's cart barely fit in the aisle.  

There was another man on the bus whom I had already been watching while we waited at the stop for the bus to arrive.  He seemed antsy.  Not agitated, just antsy.  He then started telling those sitting nearest to him that he had just been released from jail after what he claimed was an unfair accusation of assault because he threw a paper cup with Coke in it at someone.  (The cup may have been thrown at a police officer, but I had my earphones in so I couldn't hear every word. )

Bottom line, this guy wanted to get home, and he wanted to get home NOW.  So needless to say he was less than pleased with the homeless man causing the ten minute delay.

Next came the "Only in San Francisco" moment.  

After all the time spent loading his possessions onto the bus, the homeless man only rode about three stops before pulling the bell cord to indicate that he wanted to get off.

Well, jail release man was not about to wait another ten minutes for the driver to use the wheelchair lift to lower the homeless man's possessions back off the bus.  So jail release man took it upon himself to pick up the homeless man's stuff and expedite the process of "disembarking" the bus.

This was all fine by me because I wanted to get home too.

So it looked like everything was all off the bus but we still hadn't pulled away from the stop.  I then saw that the homeless man was now standing at the front of the bus.  He began to proclaim the following all while clapping:

"Let's all give this man (jail man) a warm welcome home.  He just got out of jail after being accused of assault for throwing a paper cup with Coke at someone.  Welcome home!"  

No one else on the bus joined in on the clapping.  And like Bill O'Reilly's piece, only in San Francisco, harmony.

The Song Of The Day - Crazy by Gnarls Barkley

Beg . . .

Like most cities in America, San Francisco has a homeless problem.  As you wander the sidewalks of the Financial District you will be confronted with individuals sleeping, panhandling or just talking to imaginary friends.

But only in San Francisco are the homeless pets smart enough to panhandle!

The cat pictured above staked out prime panhandling real estate outside the Macy's flagship store on Union Square.  Truly brilliant because this is where all the tourists are.  

The cat looked like it was bringing in pretty good money in relation to its human competition.  

Go felines!

Hey Megan, how much money do you think Spunky and Maisy could make?

I bet Rover would make a lot of money!

The Song Of The Day - Beg by All Saints

My Milkshake Brings All The Boys To The Yard...

OK, so this picture really has nothing to do with my milkshake or the boys in the yard but I thought it was kinda cool anyway.  I promise I will get back to the milkshake in a minute, in the meantime lets talk about a few things.  

First off, if you don't already know, I live in a six story apartment building.  The good news is that I am on the top floor.  The bad news is people like to go on the roof. Normally this wouldn't bother me, but last night the post college 20 and 30 year old ex fraternity/sorority members who live in the Marina decided to RUN around on the roof. Again, not the worst thing in the world, but add in the fact that I was trying to sleep and San Francisco is known for having earthquakes...well suffice it to say it sounded like the building was coming down.  Good times.  At least they ended the midnight track meet on the roof about thirty minutes later.

So today a few of us headed up to the Legion of Honor to view the Annie Leibovitz photography exhibit.  That is where the lovely Medusa looking glass sculpture shown above was on display.  As my partners in crime pointed out, the piece looks like it would fit right in at the Bellagio in Las Vegas.

After the museum we made our way across the city for brunch at Aperto.  In case you were wondering, this is not when I am going to talk about my milkshake.

Back to Aperto.  Have you ever been at a restaurant with family or friends and when the food arrives everyone else's food looks way better than what you ordered?   Ya that's what happened today.  My friend and I decided to order French Toast and Banana Walnut Pancakes to share.  The other members of our group wanted savory so they got an omelet and a pasta dish.  Seriously this beautiful omelet shows up garnished with fruit, foccocia bread, and potatoes.  The pasta dish was a full bowl.  And then the the waitress brought my plate...two small pancakes with this withered sad looking banana laying on top.  There was more plate than food.  Then she brought the French Toast to my friend.  It contained two small slices of French Toast cut into four pieces.  Not impressive at all.   

I tried not to show my disappointment in my meal choice as I didn't want to spoil the brunch for my friends.  I found myself continually trying to sneak a peak at my friends amazing omelet extravaganza without being obvious.  It was at that point that I realized my food sharing partner with her French Toast was also eyeing the omelet.  I could no longer hold back my disappointment.  "Do you feel we got jipped on this one?" I asked.  "Yeah!" she said.  I felt validated that we both made the wrong meal choice.  This lead our brunch mate to offer us some of her omelet.  I declined and decided to make sure that dinner would be amazing!  

And now for the milkshake...

So, have you been to Carls Jr. lately?  They have a new milkshake/malt made with Captain Crunch.  Why I thought this would be a tasty treat I have no clue.  I ordered up my Captain Crunch milkshake eagerly anticipating the pure joy and satisfaction I would get from this fine new delicacy.  It only took one sip to decide...hmmm...I don't really like soggy Captain Crunch bits swirled into ice cream.  My new found dislike of Captain Crunch milkshake did not stop me from finishing it.  In fact as I was walking down the street in a semi sugar comatose state a homeless man yelled "Hey, where's my milkshake?"  I almost yelled back, "Trust me it's not worth it."

On that note, I must say bye for now.

The Song Of The Day:  I Kissed A Girl by Katy Perry