Tuesday, April 12, 2011

I'm So Stupid . . .

This was a story I was not going to share on the blog.  But then I thought about how much Loyal Reader Erin likes when I label stories "Dumb."

I also told the story a couple times last week at work, and each time I shared it I laughed a little harder.

So this story from Hawaii is for Erin and anyone else who has done something stupid.

If you have ever rented a car and read the fine print on the rental contract, you may have seen that the rental car agency can charge a large fee if you return your vehicle with substantial mud, dirt or sand on the interior.

Being that I find that I most often am renting a car while vacationing in a tropical place; the chances of getting mud, dirt, or sand in the car are highly likely.

As Loyal Reader Megan will attest...Uncle Just Jon likes to keep his car clean!  And if you have ever ridden in my car and I have apologized for it being dirty, you were probably thinking to yourself, "what dirt?"

So you can only imagine the minor "pani" I was having as the parents and I got in and out of the rental car while traveling the Road To Hana.  With each stop to see a waterfall or beach the rain soaked ground created the trifecta of evil (mud/dirt/sand) to be tracked into the rental Pontiac G6.

By the final evening in Hawaii I had to accept the fact that there was a good chance we were going to incur the "dirty interior" fee when we turned the car in the next day.

"Maybe not," I thought to myself!

So Friday evening I took the car into the nearest town and found a gas station with a car wash.  I changed my dollar bills for quarters and drove the car over to the GIANT self service industrial vacuum cleaner.

After inserting my quarters the vacuum cleaner fired up like a jet engine ready to suck my trifecta of evil away.

In and out and up and down I climbed over the seat and into the trunk trying my hardest to get as much dirt out of the car.  It was cleaner, but not as clean as I would have liked it to be.

Next up was the self drive thru exterior car wash.

I pulled up to the control panel and typed in the code the gas station attendant had provided me.

Nothing happened.

After sitting in the car a few minutes with no washing action going on; the attendant (who was going on her break ) saw my sorry self sitting in the car wash with nothing happening.

"You gotz to put in da code," she yelled!

"I know! I thought I did," I said.

"Givez me your ticket," she said.

I handed her the ticket and she walked over to the control panel and re-typed in my wash code.  Immediately all the bells, whistles, and lights turned on.

I watched the overhead apparatus as it started spraying soap on the front hood of the rental car, followed by the windshield, onto the sunroof...


Apparently I had not fully closed the rear passenger door when I finished vacuuming because as I looked over my shoulder to the back seat I could see more and more white soap covering the interior of the car!

OH $@&%   OH $@&%   OH $@&%!!!!

I flung my seat belt off and dove over the seat for the back passenger door and was able to pull it closed!

Now all I could do was wait for the car wash to complete its cycle.

Hurry up! Hurry up! Hurry up!

To be honest with you, I am not sure I did wait for it to complete its cycle.  Because at the first green light I pulled out of the wash garage and immediately parked next to one of the gas pumps.  I jumped out of the car and pulled as many paper towels from the window wash squeegee bucket dispenser and started wiping down the interior of the back seat area.

At one point I saw the station attendant watching me dry the interior of the car while shaking her head.

"Please don't watch," I thought, I already feel stupid enough as is.

I was able to get the soap off the interior of the car and use the damp towels to wipe more of the residual mud and dirt off the floor mats that the vacuum could not suck up.

In the end I guess it turned out OK because I didn't get charged for interior dirt when we turned the car in the next morning.

That's what I get for trying to do the right thing.

The Song Of The Day - I'm So Stupid by Madonna


  1. that's like when you and sean got ice cream and you told sean," do NOT spill in uncle jon's car..." well guess who spilled? not sean...


  2. Was this before or after the 'key not turning' incident?


  3. Megan - that situation with Sean was worse. We weren't in the car...we were still in the restaurant!

    Anonymous - ahhhh...I forgot about that nickname...good times!

    Dad - Before. The timing of said events was not lost on me either. Coincidence? I think not.